Key Learnings
“For me, becoming isn’t about arriving somewhere or achieving a certain aim. I see it instead as forward motion, a means of evolving, a way to reach continuously toward a better self. The journey doesn’t end.” (Obama, 2018)
My learning this year can best be described as a journey towards discovery both personally and professionally. It is hard to highlight everything that I have learned, however I have chosen to focus on the themes that have stuck out the most to me. The first key learning for me was how all encompassing trauma really is, the importance of recognizing trauma as a lifelong journey and the usefulness of an eclectic approach to trauma work. The second key learning for me was the importance of exploring my own story and continuing my own work and healing with trauma. Lastly, I have included a section around the extra training I have taken and the journaling I have completed.
The Importance of Exploring My Own Story
Sinigang and Grilled Cheese
As part of my healing process I found that I really focused on belonging this year and the impact that being a cultural hybrid can have on a person. I have never had a space with which to explore my cultural identity before nor did I realize the importance of this. However, this year part of my journey was to re-explore my origins and the role they play in who I have become and the importance of exploring one's position within their culture as a way of further healing and growing.
On the very first day of the course Advanced Trauma-Informed Practice with Indigenous People and Communities Professor Kerri Moore stated that “children pulled out of spirit no longer know who they are '' (Moore, 2021). She went on to state that they have “no idea why they behave the way they do'' and that there is “rage, anxiousness and depression attached to the survivor brain” (Moore, 2021). Professor Moore indicates that we carry the memories and behaviours of our ancestors and it is vital to know who we are and where we come from (Moore, 2021). This idea of being “pulled out of spirit” and not knowing who one is, resonated with me on a personal level. My birth mother died when I was very young and I was raised by a woman of a completely different culture and ethnicity. As a result, I identify as a cultural hybrid, not fitting into any one space, but rather living in a state of in betweenness or hybridity (Kuortti, 2007).
This journey made me consider the importance of healing and processing my experiences as a way of learning who I am. I find that western culture largely bases identity on what we do, how much money we have, who our friends are or who we marry. Yet I wonder if this approach misses the greater picture of where one comes from and who their ancestors are? In reflecting on my own personal struggles around loss of connection I realize that I need to learn about my family's past. I did not view learning about my ancestors as a healing process, yet I now wonder if part of my struggle with belonging stems from not knowing my ancestors and their story. While not indegenous, Dr. Ihirangi Heke highlights how many indegenous approaches are not just for indegenous peoples and may benefit others (Heke, 2021). I feel that I need to engage in the process of healing through learning about my history as a way to experience some form of closure. Ongoing growth is something I strive towards as I feel that I can not help others unless I also help myself. In order to help others transition from “two dimensional” to “four dimensional”, I too, must complete this journey (Poole, 2021).
I have included below the paper I am most proud of as it was a true exploration of my hybridity and the role it plays in my life. This paper also explored concepts of belonging and the role culture plays in one's life. What I have come to realize is that I am a hybrid, a blending of cultures. I am both Sinigang and Grilled Cheese, I do not fully fit into one culture yet exist in the in-between of two cultures.
Trauma and Its Impacts:
As mentioned above the main theme that tied my social work journey together was the impact trauma has throughout the lifespan. My personal journey with trauma started as a child and has led me through three key experiences that have gone on to create the values and lenses through which I view the world today. I am a family cancer survivor, cultural hybrid and decoverted spiritualist. In completing this degree I have begun to recognize the key role my experiences and relationship with trauma have played in my life from childhood to adulthood. My social work career has also come with trauma as a direct result of my career that has taught me how to deal with trauma personally, how to create strong personal boundaries and how to relate to my clients in their own trauma journeys. In exploring trauma and its impacts on individuals I have realized that I too, am a product of trauma. My ability to relate to the clients I work with is strengthened by my understanding and exploration of my own relationship with trauma.
Professionally, trauma and its impacts have been an underlying theme in my work. Upon reflection I realize that from the age of twenty, when working as grade two teacher abroad, trauma played a role in my work. I was trying to provide an education for my students but soon found that they were unable to absorb what was being taught due in part to the high level of trauma many were experiencing on a daily basis (Guarino, 2013, p. 134). The realization that children could not learn without first having a safe and stable environment in which to live was the catalyst that led me to give up my teaching career and pursue one in social work. After graduating, I decided to become a Children Services Case Manager as I was drawn to working with children who had experienced adverse family conditions and significant childhood trauma. As a Children's Services Case Manager, I continued to learn about the effects of Trauma on both children and their parents. It was then that I began to realize that children and adults have a reason for their behaviour and by using a trauma informed lens we are able to begin to understand more about an individual's actions and its impacts (Brandy and Back, 2012, p. 10).This lense was really groundbreaking in practice as it allowed me, as a clinician, to see past the behaviours that society frowns upon to view the underlying issue (Guarino, 2013, p. 135).
This idea of working on the root cause of one's trauma is what led me to clinical trauma work and the eclectic practice approach I currently utilize as a clinical social worker. There is a famous quote that states that “it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail” (Maslow, 1962). This quote highlights the importance of eclectic practice based on client need. I feel it is unethical to be a therapist who approaches all clients with only one modality. The “one size fits all” approach does not work in trauma treatment, nor does it work with military, veteran and RCMP populations. Therefore, I strive to build an eclectic and diverse tool box of different practice modalities and strategies, so that I have several different approaches to use based on need.
In reflection, I can see how my path led me to social work and how my professional and personal experience relating to trauma and its impacts have led me to complete a Masters in Trauma Informed Practice. I feel that this journey has increased my learning, understanding, and my intervention tools in the area of Trauma-Informed Practice.
"We wage battle with our traumas each day, individually and, to a broader extent, collectively. Too often we are dragged from our sleep by inner skirmishes that invade and dominate our emotions, rile the inner snipers, and hold our bodies hostage to our histories. Often we are ambushed by an unseen enemy from within and for the untrained, unconditioned warrior, there is no safety. We hide, isolate, avoid known landmines, and shield ourselves with alcohol, other drugs, spending, raging, sex, gambling, risk taking. At least, for a moment, the terror dissolves and we can attach ourselves to a sense of safety. Even in the full knowledge that it's all temporary.” (Sutherland-Hoyt, 2006)